Oooh, Fashion Week!

Posted by Gail Gabrielson at 18 September 2013

Category: Memoir

I’ve been checking out new fashions that are being paraded around during Fashion Week. And I’ve been wondering a few things:

Do these designers like women? One theory is that designers are misogynistic homosexuals who delight in making women look strange, odd or otherwise weird. But that doesn’t hold up if the designer is a woman.

Do they think that knee-length pants are flattering? If you have long lanky legs like the models, well, yeah, the long shorts look OK. But the most of us real people don’t have legs like that — we have legs that look like the pegs on a footstool. And long shorts (I love oxymorons) make us look even shorter.

Do they think big puffy sleeves are flattering? Again — if you’re a lettuce leaf away from blowing away, yes, puffy sleeves make you look a little more substantial. But the rest of us just need the space in the puffy sleeve for our billowing arms. Let’s not call attention to those arms with ruffles and gathers.

Why do all the models look slightly pissed? Are they mad at the make-up artist who made them look like aliens? Or are they annoyed that they have to all look vaguely alike for the designer? They wear the same wig or have their hair slicked back so they don’t overshadow the fashion.

Are the models annoyed that they have to wear these weird outfits to make a living? Google “fashion week” and look at some of the pieces that are supposed to be clothing. I’m glad that I don’t see all those garments hanging in store windows. And if you see a celebrity wearing one of those envelope-pushing duds, you can be sure that she’s catching everyone’s eye. For them, any publicity is good publicity.

Maybe the models look so pissed because they’re concentrating on not falling off their stacked-up heels. That’s become a photographer’s dream: catching a model falling on her skinny ass. They look like Great Danes — all arms and legs, elbows and knees. Who decided that was attractive?

Who wears these things? Do people actually buy the pieces from the runway? Besides celebrities, I mean. Do rich people really buy this stuff? Do they really wear it and love it? I can’t imagine buying anything from a designer — even if he or she designed it especially for me. I’d have to see it before I’d commission anything being tailored for me.

What inspires designers? I’ve seen stories where designers talk about being inspired by nature, and they put faux animal skin patterns on their fabrics. Or they use floral patterns or take colors from nature. What on earth would inspire them to make a woman look like an alien? Maybe that’s the problem — they don’t know any down-to-earth women.

I have to say I don’t shop in mainstream clothing stores much. Oh, I’ll stroll through and look at the mannequins — see what they’re wearing. I’ll see if any of it speaks to me, and then I’ll take my money and go through the thrift shops, and see if there’s anything there I can’t live without.

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