Stuck In The Middle

I’m stuck in so many ways. I’ve had the same rotten cold for a couple of weeks, and I could have sworn I was getting better! Just about then, I must have reinfected myself, so now I’m back to Square Two or Three.

It all started before Thanksgiving — I could tell I was coming down with something. I had some symptoms, so I did everything I should have: took Tylenol, pushed liquids and rested. And then I came down with something else.

It could have been the spew flu or it could have been food poisoning. My bet is on food poisoning. Charlie was helping me eat the nuts from that doughnut, and he wasn’t doing any eating the rest of the day either. He just lay on the couch and snoozed.

Me? I went back and forth to the bathroom and emptied my entire body of anything resembling food or liquid. Trust me, I was empty. I had liquid coming out of every orifice, including tears from my eyes and snot from my nose. Too bad I wasn’t scheduled for a colonoscopy, because the doc would have had clear sailing.

The thing I hated most was the dry heaves, so I sipped water to keep from getting dehydrated and to have something to heave up. Ew, nothing worse.

I slept, or tried to sleep, propped up so that I wouldn’t get ear infections by all the drainage. It also helps my asthmatic lungs. The first day of full-blown (pun intended) suffering was spent languishing in my recliner. I think I went to bed fully dressed at one point. I had to take off my undergarments because my ribs hurt from coughing.

I dragged myself to the computer and looked up symptoms of heart attack in women. Really. I thought if I was going to die from a heart attack, I needed to know how long it was going to take. I was ready to go. Alas I was missing a couple of key symptoms: chest pain and light-headedness.

I had everything else. I even consulted with HighGuy about going to the emergency room. And then I recalled my last visit to Urgent Care for a sinus infection. They gave me a prescription for antibiotics which I filled. I started taking them, and ended up with diarrhea. I decided that the sinus infection was probably not that bad after all.

So, I’ve been self-treating my symptoms. Once I could eat again, I started slowly and I’m on the rebound there. My sinuses are another story. I’ve been putting a warm wet washtowel on my face to relieve the pressure and add some steam to my nasal passages. So far, so good. My sinus headache is gone. My body aches are pretty much gone, too.

What remains is the sniffles. And a cough. And a stuffy nose. And a raspy throat. I’m still pushing liquids, taking Tylenol, and using the warm wet washcloth. And with any luck at all, I’ll be healthy in time for Christmas when we all get together and share … more bugs.